I work in the technology field where changes happen daily, and where there's no room for a person to dogmatically adhere to how things "used to be" (you know, like… last week!) As with biological life, adaptation is the key to survival.

I'm pretty accustomed to change, but I realize that not everyone is a fan. When changing something as dramatic as one's worldview, one will likely find that there are many things that remain unchanged "by default," which is to say, some things just tag along as baggage from one's old way of thinking.

Having myself come from a staunch Christian upbringing, I understand how these things can happen. I wanted to share a few of the "gotchas" that I encountered along the way.

"Ignorant" isn't quite the insult that our society considers it to be. Ignorance isn't stupidity; it's a lack of knowledge about a given subject.

Even the smartest and most educated among us are ignorant about many things. I am ignorant about brain surgery, knitting, how to grow pineapples, the rules of Cricket, and how to build a pipe organ… among other things.

Over the 4th of July weekend, a family friend lost her sister in a freak accident.

Sometimes death is more expected, giving us time to prepare; when my mom died, for instance, it was from cancer and we knew it was coming.

Many other deaths, however, just… happen. You see the person, speak with them, everything is as normal as it has been for years upon years, and then, in a moment, they're gone.

I'll tell you right up front, Buddhism offers no magical answer to make the death of loved ones not suck.
Impermanence
Photo by Simon Berger on Unsplash

In Buddhism, we use the term anicca to refer to a core concept of our training: the realization that all things are impermanent. Nothing lasts, and there is nothing that we can do to change that fact. You, me, everyone we've ever known or loved will age and ultimately die.

Does that sound negative? Do you want to click away from this post?

You can; many will. We don't like to accept this fact, and we do many things to hide it away from our thoughts. We rationalize, we refuse to think about it, and – in many cases – we accept false teachings as a drug that can help us ease the pain of the unpleasant truth.

Still with me?

In Buddhism, we endeavor to accept anicca – impermanence – not just in terms of rational acceptance but a deep, abiding realization of its ever-present truth. Through meditation, impermanence becomes one's ever-present reality, an expectation of change as a constant. Today, things may seem good, one might feel s/he's on top of the world, and tomorrow it may change drastically. And if today is a very bad day, we can also know that this, too, will change.

We humans cling desperately to the good things and run from the bad. This is not, however, a terribly effective strategy for dealing with life as we know it.
Internalizing Impermanence

When impermanence is an accepted part of one's outlook, how does this help?

I started this post speaking of an unexpected death. I didn't know the person well, but the few times I met her, I did not behave with her in a way that I'd regret.

I do know, however, that some people spoke ill of her, and those people may right now be dealing not only with the shock of a sudden death, but with the regrets of their own behaviour.

On the surface, an intimate acceptance of the impermanence of all things might seem to present itself as a negative outlook on life. It is not, I assure you; instead, it is a realistic outlook. Having such an outlook doesn't make one gloomy; quite the opposite, it makes one inclined to embrace every moment of every day in from an entirely different perspective.

When I lost my mom, I knew that she knew that I loved her, that I respected her, and that I was there for her. Why? Because I didn't try to pacify myself with false beliefs that hid the realities of life and death; I knew that someday she'd be gone and, conscious of that, I lived differently while she was here. I told her that I loved her, I told her stories of how her example had improved my life, and I was there when she needed me.

On the one hand, the total acceptance of impermanence changes how we behave toward others, but it also changes us. Unexpected deaths are still shocking, and the pain of loss is still there. There is, however, a sense of peace about it for those who have accepted anicca as a reality of our existence.
Afterlife
Photo by Дмитрий Хрусталев-Григорьев on Unsplash

Most flavors of Buddhism incorporate reincarnation as an aspect of its larger picture. Many western Buddhists of the strongly scientific-materialist variety reject reincarnation, while many westerners who know little of Buddhism embrace it.

It is a topic for another post, but western views of reincarnation tend to differ from those born in the east. Nevertheless, westerners have offered much to the field; for about seventy years now the University of Virginia has engaged in serious scientific study of reincarnation with some surprising results.

Personally, I lean strongly toward an eastern view of reincarnation, but in the tradition of Theravada Buddhism and the original teachings, I do not wish to share anything here that requires that one believe in anything other than themselves.

Thus, if we think that we only have the here-and-now, that those we love could be gone tomorrow, never knowing how we feel about them, never again available to us as companions… how differently might we behave?
Why "Anicca" Matters

That is one of the purposes of anicca, of Buddhism's strong focus on impermanence. It isn't to lead us down a path of doomsaying and fear, but instead to free us to live life fully, knowing that when the inevitable happens, we've done our best to live and love well.

If you are struggling with the death of a loved one or would just like to know more about how to develop acceptance of the impermanence of all things, please feel free to reach out via the contact page.

Many of us – this author included – would say that we prefer facts to faith. I don't know if Bigfoot roams the forests of North America and I don't know if Gimbal and Tic-Tac are aliens; I choose to wait for verifiable facts. In the meantime, I avoid drawing conclusions about such things; what value is there for me to form an opinion?

Yet, the world in which we live today is so vastly full of accessible information that we cannot help but accept the word of others for many things. Science tells us that the universe is roughly 13.7 billion years old; not only is this something I wouldn't know how to independently confirm, even if I did, I doubt that's how I'd choose to spend my time. Doctors prescribe treatments that we ourselves haven't put through our own programs of rigorous testing and yet most of us take our medications. Most of us accept that men have landed on the moon and that the earth is spherical, but even on such basic things we're taking the word of others.
The Proliferation of Acceptance

We live in a world where almost anyone can reach the world with his or her thoughts, art, and ideas. This is a wonderful thing on many levels but it has had some unintended side-effects. Anyone can post – or repost – anything, and they often do so without the slightest thought of an attempt at verification. Many of us know better to believe what we read on social media, but many others are not so discerning.

Perhaps in part this is because we humans have never dealt with something like the Internet before the last couple of decades. Perhaps, also, it is because we've been conditioned to accept certain things on faith without even realizing it. We all attended school and accepted the words of our teachers, and I doubt we took time to fact-check things that our parents told us. We grew up with newspapers, magazines, and television news shows, all giving us information that many of us accepted without thought of independent verification. The Internet came along and simply followed the trail that had been blazed for it.

The criteria for acceptance became not one of independent verification, but – in many cases – how well a "fact" resonates with a person's preexisting preferences. People don't enjoy seeing their sacred cows slain! When it comes to choosing one what one group says over another, realizing that most are either not inclined or incapable of independently verifying either, chances are they'll accept the view that fits the reality they've constructed for themselves.
Lying for Fun and Profit

In recent years, we have seen in America that some choose to take advantage of the fact that many people simply believe what they're told. People in positions of power now propagate conspiracy theories as well as crafting their own. Certain new media outlets do the same, filling the airwaves with things that most of them don't even believe themselves in the name of profit and power.

Being told not to take the COVID vaccine or that elections are rigged result in division, violence, and death, and those who engage in such have blood on their hands.
A Buddhist Response

In the Kamala Sutta, it is said that a group – the Kalama people of Kesaputta – approached the Buddha with the following:

    "Lord, there are some brahmans and contemplatives who come to Kesaputta. They expound and glorify their own doctrines, but as for the doctrines of others, they deprecate them, revile them, show contempt for them, and disparage them. And then other brahmans and contemplatives come to Kesaputta. They expound and glorify their own doctrines, but as for the doctrines of others, they deprecate them, revile them, show contempt for them, and disparage them. They leave us absolutely uncertain and in doubt: Which of these venerable brahmans and contemplatives are speaking the truth, and which ones are lying?"
    "Kalama Sutta: To the Kalamas" (AN 3.65), translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Access to Insight (BCBS Edition), 30 November 2013, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an03/an03.065.than.html

To this, the Buddha is said to have begun his response with:

    "…don't go by reports, by legends, by traditions, by scripture, by logical conjecture, by inference, by analogies, by agreement through pondering views, by probability, or by the thought, 'This contemplative is our teacher.' When you know for yourselves that, 'These qualities are unskillful; these qualities are blameworthy; these qualities are criticized by the wise; these qualities, when adopted and carried out, lead to harm and to suffering' — then you should abandon them."
    ibid.

Then the Buddha then goes on to say:

    "When greed arises in a person, does it arise for welfare or for harm? … And this greedy person, overcome by greed, his mind possessed by greed, kills living beings, takes what is not given, goes after another person's wife, tells lies, and induces others to do likewise, all of which is for long-term harm and suffering.
    ibid.

Having also referenced aversion and delusion along with greed, the Buddha then begins to paint the reverse side of the picture:

    "When lack of greed arises in a person, does it arise for welfare or for harm? … And this ungreedy person, not overcome by greed, his mind not possessed by greed, doesn't kill living beings, take what is not given, go after another person's wife, tell lies, or induce others to do likewise, all of which is for long-term welfare and happiness."
    Ibid.

In this writer's interpretation, the Buddha is saying, "you know right from wrong." Look at these people, their actions, their motivations. Don't accept their words because they're a teacher, preacher, politician, or TV news personality. Don't accept their word because they're on your favorite news channel or allied with your political part of choice. Instead, ask yourself: is this person possessed by greed? Full of aversion to groups of people who aren't harming others? Spreading delusion to his or her followers?

We're in an unusual time in human history, and it is of vital importance that people do not allow themselves to be caught up in the words of fear-mongers and liars. They have no interest whatsoever in your well-being; they're only in it for themselves.
A Final Note

The Buddha was clear that these rules applied to his teachings as well. The only "faith" required for Buddhism is to give it enough benefit-of-doubt to test out its practices in your own life.

Thus, near the end of the Kamala Sutta, the Buddha concludes with:

    "When you know for yourselves that, 'These mental qualities are skillful; these mental qualities are blameless; these mental qualities are praised by the wise; these mental qualities, when adopted and carried out, lead to welfare and to happiness' — then you should enter and remain in them."
    Ibid.

The Four Noble Truths are often the first thing that one hears when s/he seeks to learn more about Buddhism.

In English, we often use the word "suffering" or "dissatisfaction," but the original word in the Pali language was dukkha (Sanskrit: duḥkha).

When the idea of "suffering" is tromped out as the first Buddhist discussion topic, many think we're a negative lot. We're not; we're among the happiest people you'll meet. We're realists who are willing to take the facts head-on: you will get old, you will get sick, and you will die. You will experience the loss of loved ones, you'll fail from time to time, and you'll experience conflict.

If you want to put your head in the sand, that's okay… we all feel that urge from time to time. But here's the reality: we live in a world where stronger things eat weaker things. There might be an asteroid the likes of which killed the dinosaurs en route to us as I type this, or that insanely massive Yellowstone caldera could blow, and that could be the end of humanity. Our incessant greed or our warlike nature could result in circumstances that make our planet uninhabitable to life as we know it.

We do not believe that there's a god coming to save us, nor a deus ex machina savior that's planning to rush in and deliver a happy ending. The only chance that humanity has is getting real about the sometimes-troubling facts of life. And the only way we can make that happen is one person at a time.

So let's talk about dukkha, shall we?
The Truth of Suffering

"This is the noble truth of suffering: birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering; union with what is displeasing is suffering; separation from what is pleasing is suffering; not to get what one wants is suffering; in brief, the five aggregates subject to clinging are suffering."

"Shit happens."

"Life's a bitch."

We humans say these things… because shit does happen and life can, in fact, be a bitch at times.

Looking on the bright side, finding the proverbial silver linings… these are good things. But we should also be realistic and accept that life is full of things that make us hurt, piss us off, stress us out.

Even good things come to an end, and when they do, we suffer. Or, in many cases, we suffer because we're worried about the end of good things.
The Origin of Suffering

"This is the noble truth of the origin of suffering: it is this craving (taṇhā, "thirst") which leads to re-becoming, accompanied by delight and lust, seeking delight here and there; that is, craving for sensual pleasures, craving for becoming, craving for disbecoming."

The Buddha concluded that the big problem is in our heads… that we get hung up on "if I just had that house," or "if I were with him," or "if I could just get that promotion," things would be great. When we get what we want, there's usually a short period of elation but then it dissipates… and we want something else.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve, make a little more money, find a life partner, etc. The problem comes in when those things become an imagined panacea that we expect to fully and ultimately satisfy us. We become obsessed… we crave.

Much of this craving is bound up in our ego, the false belief in an independent self.
The Cessation of Suffering

"This is the noble truth of the cessation of suffering: it is the remainderless fading away and cessation of that same craving, the giving up and relinquishing of it, freedom from it, non-reliance on it."

The core element of Buddhism lies in the belief that this suffering can be brought to an end, and that the teachings – the Dharma – offer a method by which this can be done.
The Way Leading to the Cessation of Suffering

"This is the noble truth of the way leading to the cessation of suffering: it is this noble eightfold path; that is, right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration."

Buddhism provides the Noble Eightfold Path as a means to bring about an end to suffering. While they sound simple, the effect of integrating them into one's life and worldview is profound.
What's the point?

We can't fix a problem that we refuse to admit that we have. The magical thinking of which we Americans, in particular, are so fond only exacerbates the situation. Buddism says, let's take a realistic look at our situation and then find ways that we humans – individually and cooperatively – can improve upon it.

The historical Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama, was very much a realist. He accepted that pleasurable situations and circumstances would always come to an end and that unpleasurable things would always come around sooner or later. The word used for this reality is dukkha, and it is the core of the Four Noble Truths.
The Four Noble Truths

The first truth is the recognition of dukkha. In our lives, we crave that which we do not have, and we cling desperately to that which we do have (including people and relationships). We think, "if I just got that promotion," or "if I just lived in a bigger house," or if "I were with him/her my life would be so much better." Wanting such things isn't bad, but craving them means that we suffer. This is where the Second Noble Truth, samudaya, comes in: our craving becomes an obsession, and we build up a false vision of our lives with this or that thing or person; if we finally get that which we crave, we often find that it isn't all that we thought it would be. Then the cycle begins anew, over some other person or thing.

We cling to those things about which we care, wanting things never to change, never to end, but the reality is that things will always change and will always end. The reality of the human condition is that we and everything around us are constantly changing, and nothing upon which we can lay our hands will bring us perfect and undying satisfaction.

The Third Noble Truth, niroda, deals with the cessation of dukkha. By putting a stop to our craving and clinging, we will attain nirvana, a state of peace and freedom. The Fourth Noble Truth, magga, gives us the path to the cessation of (or liberation from) dukkha. The Fourth Noble Truth is divided into eight steps and is known as the Noble Eightfold Path.
The Eightfold Path

Editor's note: The descriptions below are taken from Wikipedia. If we keep shooting for "perfect," we'll never have "done." We'll come back to this!

    Right Resolve or Intention: the giving up of home and adopting the life of a religious mendicant in order to follow the path; this concept aims at peaceful renunciation, into an environment of non-sensuality, non-ill-will (to loving kindness), away from cruelty (to compassion). Such an environment aids contemplation of impermanence, suffering, and non-Self.
    Right Speech: no lying, no rude speech, no telling one person what another says about him to cause discord or harm their relationship.
    Right Conduct or Action: no killing or injuring, no taking what is not given, no sexual misconduct, no material desires.
    Right Livelihood: no trading in weapons, living beings, meat, liquor, and poisons.
    Right Effort: preventing the arising of unwholesome states, and generating wholesome states, the bojjhagā (Seven Factors of Awakening). This includes indriya-samvara, "guarding the sense-doors", restraint of the sense faculties.
    Right Mindfulness (sati; Satipatthana; Sampajañña): "retention", being mindful of the dhammas ("teachings", "elements") that are beneficial to the Buddhist path. In the vipassana movement, sati is interpreted as "bare attention": never be absent minded, being conscious of what one is doing; this encourages the awareness of the impermanence of body, feeling and mind, as well as to experience the five aggregates (skandhas), the five hindrances, the four True Realities and seven factors of awakening.
    Right samadhi (passaddhi; ekaggata; sampasadana): practicing four stages of dhyāna ("meditation"), which includes samadhi proper in the second stage, and reinforces the development of the bojjhagā, culminating into upekkha (equanimity) and mindfulness. In the Theravada tradition and the vipassana movement, this is interpreted as ekaggata, concentration or one-pointedness of the mind, and supplemented with vipassana meditation, which aims at insight.
    Right View: our actions have consequences, death is not the end, and our actions and beliefs have consequences after death. The Buddha followed and taught a successful path out of this world and the other world (heaven and underworld/hell). Later on, right view came to explicitly include karma and rebirth, and the importance of the Four Noble Truths, when "insight" became central to Buddhist soteriology.